not skywalker

my name is anika. a-nick-a. not a-neek-a ... and yes, people HAVE told me before that it's like annikin skywalker. but i'm not.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Regarding 'Dads' ...

So ... Most of y'all don't know the continuing drama between me and my dad. I'll give you a super-duper-quick-recap:*

- my dad left my mom for another woman (who will here on in be referred to as 'Curse') when I was in grade three-ish.
- my dad always said horrible things to me about my mom, while my mom** tried not to let me and my sister get stuck in the middle.
- I was never good enough. If I got an 'A' in school, why wasn't it an 'A+'? and all that kind of bullshit.
- when I got pregnant my dad told me that I had to have an abortion or I would 'never amount to anything and I'd end up on welfare and be a loser for the rest of my life.'
- he persuaded me to sign over a bunch of tuition money to him so that he could get a tax break.
- I lived with him for a little bit (BIG MISTAKE) and when I moved out, him and Curse refused to let Jacob bring his toys with him. They also wrecked and/or sold some of my stuff.
- my dad let his stupid-ugly-fat wife key my car.

Now. This is clearly not everything that's happened. Truthfully, it's making my anger and anxiety shoot through the roof just thinking about him. Anyways, I haven't talked to him for more than a year and he called me on my birthday. I wrote him an email (so that I wouldn't get painted as the mean-daughter-who-never-talks-to-her-victim-of-a-dad to my grandparents) that said 'thanks for the message yesterday.' Now he wants to meet for coffee.

I have two reasons that I'd want to meet with him:
1. it would make my grandparents ceaselessly happy and proud of me and I wouldn't be seen as the mean-daughter-who-never-talks-to-her-victim-of-a-dad.
2. what if I got a present out of it?
But all in all, I really don't want to meet with him. At. All. I know that I'd have to buy my own coffee. And I know that I'd hear about how everyone thinks he's so great and he doesn't understand why my mom has 'brainwashed me.' And I know that I'd hear a million reasons from him why I'm the horrible daughter and how he's so upset that I 'treat him like this.' And I know that I'd leave crying.

What should I do, friends?

*disclaimer: I am well aware of the fact I am not a perfect daughter. I'm not blaming EVERYTHING on him.
**another disclaimer: I am also well aware of the fact that my mom is not a perfect mother. But she's amazing and wonderful and a helluva lot better than my dad.


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