3 Reasons I Don't Believe In My Horoscopes

1. Today as I was perusing the newspaper, I came across today's, which said "a cookie in each hand is not a well-balanced diet." Um, lesh, lesh it ish. And so is one hand of cookies and the other of chips. And jellybeans. And chocolate. And strawberry-marshmallow 5-cent candies.

2. Libra's sign is the scales. Scales = balance. Me? Well-balanced? Riiiiiiight ...

3. I refuse to believe that all people born September 23rd - October 22nd have the same characteristics and/or personality. Lets review a few: me, a horrible ex-boyfriend, willie (the guy some people, but not me, would refer to as my father), and Dylan from 90210.

I'm sticking to Dubble Bubble fortunes.