not skywalker

my name is anika. a-nick-a. not a-neek-a ... and yes, people HAVE told me before that it's like annikin skywalker. but i'm not.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


So I was sneak-attacked. In a bad way. And the short version is this:

I was tra-la-la-ing my way through my relationship with my in-laws. We are quite different but we get along fine enough. My sister-in-law had a baby while we were away on holiday and he was born with a birth defect. When we found out, Jason asked me what he should say to his sister when he called them. "Well the first thing you need to say is congratulations. A baby is always a blessing" I said. When we got home I brought over dinner for them and a gift I'd made. I went by myself because the rest of my little family was sick and of course we didn't want to get the new little baby sick.

About a week later Jason's mom confronted us about why I hadn't said anything nice about our nephew or about my sister-in-law's new home. Wait, what?! Of course I had said the baby is beautiful! Of course I had said congratulations! I was so hurt and shocked that they didn't know my character better than that! And that my mother-in-law wouldn't know that it was a completely ridiculous accusation!

Now that the whole situation is over and I've 'made amends' with everyone I feel SO anxious about being around them. To the point of having a bit of a panic attack on the way to see them. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don't say the right thing? What if my silence is interpreted as something completely wrong?! I hate knowing that I'm being watched like that. I hate being under so much scrutiny. And what I perhaps hate most of all is knowing that no matter what, I won't be able to do the right thing in their eyes.

As Jay* so eloquently put it: "And I'm the jerk."

*Modern Family. Watch it, love it, know it.


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