not skywalker

my name is anika. a-nick-a. not a-neek-a ... and yes, people HAVE told me before that it's like annikin skywalker. but i'm not.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


Some days are just whirlwinds of craziness in my mind. Observe:

I'm walking around with my head in the clouds and singing the Brighter Than Sunshine song and drinking a London Fog and getting flowers and being excited about graduating and eating yummy dinners and laughing at roller blading videos and holding a cute puppy and then I'm falling and I'm worrying and I don't know if I can stop worrying and everything isn't going to work out and maybe God is my adversary but how can I think that and I must be a horrible human being but I am nice in my heart and all I want is just a piece of happiness pie and now I want to sing that song as well and I have so much to do and I need to find a place to live on my own for me and Jacob because I need to prove that I can do it and how much is grad going to cost and is S even proud of me and I'm not even proud of myself and will I ever be proud of myself even when I have what I always wanted but what if I don't get married for a long time and I don't have groceries and I want to forget these things and I wish my father (eventhoughIhatehim) desired even slightly to come to my graduation so I could deny him because that's the way I work and you would too if you had to deal with him and I want to go to the gym tonight but I need to make dinner and go grocery shopping and I want to go boating all weekend even though I have a lot to take care of and everything might just explode right here and now and maybe if I cry I will feel better but maybe I will just feel weaker but then I get out of the office and I drink another London Fog and don't think about work and money and life and stress and I forget my train of thought for a few minutes and maybe everything will be okay after all ... But will it?


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