Just Tryin' To Help Out ...

Men/Boys, here are a few helpful dating hints, brought to you by my own recent dating experience:

DO NOT pee on a fence at the intermission of a Shakespearean play. Especially when the washrooms are ten feet away.

DO pay for your date. It's old fashioned, I know. But it shows you're a gentleman. Or at least tricks us temporarily.

DO NOT refuse to stop at McDonald's just because you'd have to turn left, and instead make your date go to Wendy's (thus making her dry heave all over the place).

DO NOT announce that you'd never buy anyone a drink because it's too expensive.

DO pay for your whole meal. Don't wait until everyone else has put their money on the table and then throw down $25 and say 'is that enough?' Especially if your meal was more than $30.

DO NOT wear socks with sandals. Ever.

DO know when to stop telling a story. If it's not funny, I probably won't laugh. Don't keep talking in hopes that we'll explode into giggles at some point. Chances are, we'll end up bored and annoyed.

DO NOT eat off other peoples' plates after you've told everyone that you hate sharing your food.

DO pretend that you like the play, even if you don't know what's going on. Don't yawn every 3 seconds and refuse to laugh at the funny parts. It's a comedy.

I wonder why I'm still single.