not skywalker

my name is anika. a-nick-a. not a-neek-a ... and yes, people HAVE told me before that it's like annikin skywalker. but i'm not.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Un Quizzie Quiz ...

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Luke Perry (remember? 90210?). Ooooh yeah.
2. Where was your first kiss? With tongue? I think it mighta been in a car. And I think his name was Chad, but I can't really remember. His hair looked greasy.
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? I stole an A&W women's washroom sign. Does that count? Can you even imagine the insanity of it all?!
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Besides play fighting? Yes. I feel justified in it. I certainly don't regret it ... I'm not mean.
5. Have you ever sang in front of a large number of people? No. But have you ever driven with me? I sing a lot in the car. With the windows down. That counts for something.
6.Whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? height and eyes and arms oh my!
7.What really turns you on? Noxema
8.What do you usually order from Starbucks? Usually an Earl Grey tea misto with no water and non-fat milk with vanilla or hazelnut in it. Yum.
9. What is your biggest mistake? Thinking that forgiving means forgetting.
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? yup.
11. Say something totally random about you: I am wearing a flourescent pink bra. And that makes me feel justified in wearing jeans that are too big and a hoodie today. Later I will dress up.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Back in the day it was Drew Barrymore. And a couple times it was the girl from the movie Amelie.
13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? yeah with Jacob. He's all about The Cat In The Hat right now. He sits on me and says 'this is the lumpiest couch I ever sat on ... That's not a couch, that's our babysitter! ... Babysitter?! Whaddaya need someone to sit on babies for?!' 14. Did you have braces? No. But I had a retainer and in grade 6 I accidentally threw it in the garbage with the rest of my lunch garbage and my dad made me go back to school at night to look for it and my mom felt sorry for me.
15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yeah I kinda like being tall-ish (5'9"). Most of the time.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you? I'm gonna go with this: in grade 5 a boy sang 'Damn, I wish I was your lover' to me.
17. When do you know it's love? I'll let ya know when I find out.
18. Do you speak any other languages? no. I can say a few select things, though. I can say 'you have a little penis' in Dutch. If that's not multi-cultural, I don't know what is.
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? yep. I like them.
20. What magazines do you read? I like US. And I have a subscription to InStyle that was given to me.
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yeah -- for my birthday most recently!
22.Has anyone you were really close with passed away? No.
23.Do you watch mtv? No.
24.What's something that really annoys you? Loud chewers. And cheap perfume.
25. What's something you really like? The ocean.
26.Do you like Michael Jackson? no because he's a pedophile.
27. Can you dance? No. But I will. Phil is my biggest cheerleader in that department.
28.What's the longest/latest you have ever stayed up? I haven't the foggiest. Probably not that scandalous. Maybe not even 24 hours. What a dull life.
29.Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? yeah, but I feel like that kind of often. When I'm driving sometimes I think I'm going to get into a huge accident, it's weird. And today, being Halloween, I thought 'oh my gosh, what if someone jumps in front of my car and I hit them but then when I stop they just disappear but there's still a huge dent in my car and the windshield is broken but they aren't there anymore because they're actually a ghost?!' I'm tellin' ya, these are the thoughts in my head! ... Anyone wanna go on a road trip?
30.Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No. But maybe if I hit that ghost with my car ...

By the way, IIF's, thank you so much for your well wishes for my Opa and for your comments. He's doing better -- still in the hospital, but he's sitting up and he's eating solids. Keep prayin'!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

My Opa* ...

... is really sick right now. He got rushed to the hospital yesterday. I am sad.
If I had to sum up my Opa in one word, it would be 'righteous.'
He has the most patience of any person I have ever known.
When he prays I feel comforted and I feel like God is close.
He is quiet most of the time.
When he talks, it is either extremely funny or very wise.
He says my name different than anyone else in the world. It keeps playing over and over again in my head.
He has the biggest hands I've ever seen.

When they were teens my Oma was having a snowball fight with some others and the others began pelting her really hard. They wouldn't listen when she told them to stop. My Opa came along and stood up for her and scared all the others away. They started dating.

He is a fighter.
He is strong.
He doesn't give up.

In WWII he was a teenager and lived in Holland. He was forced to work for the Nazis. He had to drive a truck for them, alternating between collecting bodies from bombed out towns, and delivering potatoes to work camps. He put others before himself and saved the lives of some people in work camps by stealing potatoes. He broke the odometer in the truck so that he could drive a Russian general's daughter closer to the border to escape. They beat him up really bad for that. He still has a rib, completely broken off, floating in his chest. He eventually escaped and clung to the bottom of a moving train to get back to his home town. He went to my Oma's house and they hid him.

My Opa is the best example of a man I've ever known.
Please pray.

*my father's dad

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Anika Linked Search of the Day

'janie more badgers' -- what in the dickens? I don't get it.

'anika wedding vancouver' -- *sigh* it's not me, friend. It's not me.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Digital Cameras ...

... Are a Godsend when you're doing something like whale watching. You can erase the seaweed-whale and log-whale pictures with the click of one button! With ease you can discard the picture of water-with-a-black-speck-in-it that just so happens to be a whale's back. And you can erase the white smudge that may or may not have been a bald eagle. It's just that easy!

But while we're on the subject of bald eagles, don't you think they always look furious? If not furious, at least annoyed. I can't imagine a bald eagle turning to his friend and saying 'hey, Larry, knock knock ...'

Anyways, I wish I had chocolate today ...

Friday, October 21, 2005

Last Night ...

... Jacob cried when the Canucks scored to make the game 3-2 because he wanted there to be a shoot-out. *sigh* He has so much to learn.

Tonight ... We are going to Victoria!!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Have I Told You Lately ...

That I love you?

That my prof in the class I'm taking looks like Vin Diesel 20 years down the road?

That sometimes my job is so stressful but sometimes I get to drink wine and decorate for Halloween?

That I'm very pleased my sister has a relationship with the most incredible little man and they have chemistry?

That I have a handful of the best friends I could ever ask for?

That I'm lucky to have the best kid ever in the entire history of the earth?

That I'd like to move away?

That I'd rather have my mom than any other mom that ever existed?

Well it's true.

It's My Dad's Birthday Today ...

And since dads have (unfortunately) been a theme on my blog as of late, I'm going to tell you, my IIF's, a story:

She was in grade four-ish. Her parents were fighting all the time. They tried to hide it from her, but kids are, of course, more observant than they seem. Every night they got into arguments after she and her sister were 'asleep.' She was scared.

Her dad moved back and forth from their house to a friends' he was staying at. She sat on the bed and watched him pack. She cried. Maybe if she'd made her bed every morning. Why did she complain about clearing off dinner dishes? Was it that he knew she'd tried to trick him about brushing her teeth before bed? She watched him leave.

The girl's mom let her stay up past her sister. She got ready for bed and her mom called her to the family room. She sat on her mom's lap facing her -- she noticed that her mom looked so sad, like a little girl. She worried. Her mom said to the girl that her dad wasn't staying with friends. He was staying with his girlfriend. The air left her lungs. A girlfriend?? She shook her head hard, trying to force the thought to leave. But it stayed. She collapsed and sobbed and her mom held her. They both cried.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Only Thing I Have To Say Today Is ...

The Canucks won again last night ...

And the verdict is that I'm going to say no to the 'man' some people would refer to as my father (thanks for all your advice -- I think the kicker was that my beautiful sister, who knows the sitch better than anyone, advised me against it) ...

Also, rumor has it that Curse (the father's wife) was on tv last night. I think that if you play it backwards it says 'satan is king.' She is hideous ...

Most of the time my hair makes me look like a dandylion. Halloween costume?

Monday, October 17, 2005

On A Lighter Note ...

Today I feel so glad in my life.
And sleepy.
I had a migraine yesterday and now it's gone!
I have cute new clothes from my mom for my birthday.
And a laptop to use for school from my stepdad.
Last night I saw a great movie (contrary to what mockers think, I liked Elizabethtown).
My roommates burned incense so our house smelled so yummy yesterday.
I like makeup.
And necklaces.
Jacob is especially beautiful when he is sleeping.
He was very well-behaved yesterday for sitting-through-a-hockey-game-at-a-stranger's-house-and-being-fed-chocolate-all-afternoon.
The Canucks won.
Things are good.
Even for a Monday.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Regarding 'Dads' ...

So ... Most of y'all don't know the continuing drama between me and my dad. I'll give you a super-duper-quick-recap:*

- my dad left my mom for another woman (who will here on in be referred to as 'Curse') when I was in grade three-ish.
- my dad always said horrible things to me about my mom, while my mom** tried not to let me and my sister get stuck in the middle.
- I was never good enough. If I got an 'A' in school, why wasn't it an 'A+'? and all that kind of bullshit.
- when I got pregnant my dad told me that I had to have an abortion or I would 'never amount to anything and I'd end up on welfare and be a loser for the rest of my life.'
- he persuaded me to sign over a bunch of tuition money to him so that he could get a tax break.
- I lived with him for a little bit (BIG MISTAKE) and when I moved out, him and Curse refused to let Jacob bring his toys with him. They also wrecked and/or sold some of my stuff.
- my dad let his stupid-ugly-fat wife key my car.

Now. This is clearly not everything that's happened. Truthfully, it's making my anger and anxiety shoot through the roof just thinking about him. Anyways, I haven't talked to him for more than a year and he called me on my birthday. I wrote him an email (so that I wouldn't get painted as the mean-daughter-who-never-talks-to-her-victim-of-a-dad to my grandparents) that said 'thanks for the message yesterday.' Now he wants to meet for coffee.

I have two reasons that I'd want to meet with him:
1. it would make my grandparents ceaselessly happy and proud of me and I wouldn't be seen as the mean-daughter-who-never-talks-to-her-victim-of-a-dad.
2. what if I got a present out of it?
But all in all, I really don't want to meet with him. At. All. I know that I'd have to buy my own coffee. And I know that I'd hear about how everyone thinks he's so great and he doesn't understand why my mom has 'brainwashed me.' And I know that I'd hear a million reasons from him why I'm the horrible daughter and how he's so upset that I 'treat him like this.' And I know that I'd leave crying.

What should I do, friends?

*disclaimer: I am well aware of the fact I am not a perfect daughter. I'm not blaming EVERYTHING on him.
**another disclaimer: I am also well aware of the fact that my mom is not a perfect mother. But she's amazing and wonderful and a helluva lot better than my dad.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Scattered ...

I'm very pleased to announce that I'm wearing a sweater today. And I feel so cozy and faaaaaantastic!

And here's something cool to watch. Remember I told you about Sigur Ros (here)? Check out this video. I. Love. It.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Red Rover Red Rover We Call MEEEEE Over!

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life? I would be a mom (as my main occupation) and have a nice house and I would paint a lot and I would maybe be a high school teacher (but part time so I could spend the majority of my time with my children) and I would be a nice wife and I would take Jacob (and my other kids) on trips so that he (and they) could see the world.

2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren't you doing it? Um, because it is an issue in my life? A rather large issue, in fact. But money's just money. Right guys? RIGHT?!

3. What's better: horses or cows? Horses are waaaaay better. Way. I've loved horses since I was wee. For my 4th (or 5th?) birthday my mom gave me a pony party birthday and these people with horses brought them to my house and we got to ride around! It was so fun!

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is? Hmmm ... Jake's laugh (I know that sounds like a stupid airy fairy answer, but it's true, la fou) and the beach and chocolate of course and napping in the sun.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit? I always dream. Lately I've been having stressful dreams, though. Last night I was in the middle of the ocean and there were huge barges everywhere and I didn't have a life jacket and I didn't know if anyone was even looking for me and I was trying not to drown.

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? A nurse. Now I just want to be a naughty nurse.

7. Complete this statement: Love is...Never having to say ... 'I don't like who I am when I'm with you.'

8. Can you tell a good story? (write one!) I'm not creative right now, folks. Once upon a time there was a cat. He sat on a mat and said 'now this is where it's at.' But a rat came and sat down beside him and the cat chased him. And they never came back and the mat said 'this is where it's really at.' The end.

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about? Hmmm ... I usually just imagine things that are going to happen and my imagination runs away with me and goes crazy. And things usually don't end up as horrific as I think they'll be.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

God Speaks ...

On Monday we were watching the Canucks game and I looked outside and there was blue sky in the middle of all the clouds in the shape of a 'C.' I said it was a sign from God that the Canucks would win.

And they did.

Things That I Don't Like:

- feet (no matter how 'cute' they are)
- whiskey (even the smell makes me dry heave)
- when people touch my neck (it induces my gag reflex)
- dads
- Guinness beer (it looks like the saliva of someone who's chewing tobacco)
- my birthday
- The Princess Bride (the first time I ever watched it I thought it was supposed to be a serious movie and I think that wrecked it for me)
- math

Well ... have a good day, my loves!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Canadian Thanksgiving ...

Thankfulness ...

My birthday extravaganza was soooooOOOOO fun!

And I got to hang out with my mom all day Saturday and help her make turkey dinner. We listened to Christmas music all day

I finished my school paper

Andrew brought me 25 flowers and notes about things he likes about me (including: 'you are sooo creepy')

Friday, October 07, 2005

Alice In Wonderland ...

"The horror of that moment," the King went on, " I shall never, never forget!"

"You will though", the Queen said, "if you don't make a memorandum of it."

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Some Days ...

The minutes go by so slowly and my thoughts go through my head so quickly and my neck muscles are stiff with anxiety and I can't stop wiggling and I just want to throw my desk over and scatter papers all around the office and stomp off and run away and drive and drive and drive.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It's Not In Me To Give Anymore ...

So Andrew, Janie and I donated blood last night. All day I'd been feeling a bit queasy at the thought of needles and my own blood, but I really pulled myself together and I didn't even flich when they gave me the finger-pin-prick thing. It was going to be ok.

Until ...

Male Nurse looks at my chart and says 'An-eek-a?' and I corrected him 'A-nick-a.' 'Oh, like Annikin Skywalker? Haha, but I guess you get that all the time.' Yes, asamatteroffact. I. Do. I should have seen this as a bad omen and ran the other way. But once again I pulled myself together.

Until ...

Male Nurse told me to take a deep breath because he was going to stab me with the needle now (he didn't say it in as many words, though). And stab he did. I bit my lip and took deep breaths while Male Nurse wondered out loud 'now where'd that vein go? ... Lemme try again ... Maybe the needle got some flesh stuck in it ...' Finally he quit stabbing around my arm when I offered my other arm as a sacrifice.

This time I got a nurse who was nice and got my name right and rolled her eyes at the other guy and gave me a sticker.

And I got cookies!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Sheer Brilliance ...

Here's a recap of some brilliant happenstances* from the weekend:

- At the Canucks game (which was so fun by the way and I am so excited about this season's hockey!!!) I somehow managed to miss 5 out of the 6 Canuck goals. Good one, Anika. Some would say I'm the worst hockey fan ever. But I was having a contest with the guy sitting next to me (I forget his name, but I met him 3 or 4 times that night) -- we were eating shelled peanuts and seeing who could get the most shells on the people sitting in front of us without them noticing.**

- This same night I wore my Gino Odjick Canucks jersey to the bar. Not the sexiest thing ever, but whatev.

- Jacob looked at a candle and his head was too close and he singed the eyelashes on his left eye. Poor little feller!

Well ... That about sums it up.

*is this a word? And if yes, is this the right context for the word?

**assholes, hey?