Dreams ...

Last night I had a strange dream. Background: I used to be bff's with this guy named Shane. We lost touch, but I think from time to time of trying to get ahold of him. In the dream I looked him up and called him and he told me that he'd just tried to call me the night before. Weird, hey? Ok

I guess it's not SO weird. But it brought this guy to the forefront of my mind today. How annoying. I'd much rather be thinking of Jacob and pumpkins and pink highlighters and daisies and sunshine and pickles and the word falafel and paper clip necklaces and elevator rides with 3 year olds.


p.s. When you squish a spider and put it in the toilet you need to flush. What if it's a MacGyver spider that crawls up the side and then when you're peeing it bites you in the bum and makes a scary screeching sound and it's like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the sewer water makes it grow into a huge human size spider and you have to fight it but your pants are down so how can you even self defense it to death?! THEN WHAT?!

Things Are Going Wrong ...

I hate everything including, but not limited to: money, fathers, cardboard, the color orange, the government, spiders, rain, fruit juice, school, gas prices, clothes, highlighters, coupons, telephones, math, clowns, having a cold, planning, crying, car tires, makeup, awnings and doorbells.

Rain ...

It's pouring out today and that makes me so perturbed because I. Hate. Driving. In. The. Rain. I always envision myself sliding all over the street and bashing into something (i.e. a person, another car, or driving off a cliff). The only thing worse than driving in the rain is if there was a spider in my car. Or a clown. *shudder*

In my dream last night I was rolling a dice (a die? I dunno) and it landed on the corner. Weird, no?

*sigh* I love you guys.

Marriage Shmarriage.

Until recently (and even sometimes now) when I saw a license plate with the letters AE(insert 3rd letter) I'd think it was a sign of the last name of the person I'd marry ... The last letter was different almost every time.

I was anxious to get married because I thought Jacob was missing out*. I think I was more excited about the wedding than the marriage. One of my friends kept telling me that we were supposed to get married -- it made me cry a lot.

I just want to have fun now and get married in a few years. But what if by the time I'm ready there's no good ones left? Or what if by then no one wants me?

Whatev. Right guys? Right?!

*I know this not to be true

It's Your Turn ...

Now that I've helped you out with some extremely helpful dating hints, please please please help me out. I tried to give the I'm-not-into-you vibe* to the guy who broke every single rule, but he phoned me last night. Is he a glutton for punishment? I don't want to be mean. But I also don't want to hang out with him ever again in my life.

What do I say?

* And by 'tried to give the I'm-not-into-you vibe' I mean 'was a complete asshole by the end, even resorting to making fun of the music we were listening to by saying "I don't like the sound of nerd."'

Just Tryin' To Help Out ...

Men/Boys, here are a few helpful dating hints, brought to you by my own recent dating experience:

DO NOT pee on a fence at the intermission of a Shakespearean play. Especially when the washrooms are ten feet away.

DO pay for your date. It's old fashioned, I know. But it shows you're a gentleman. Or at least tricks us temporarily.

DO NOT refuse to stop at McDonald's just because you'd have to turn left, and instead make your date go to Wendy's (thus making her dry heave all over the place).

DO NOT announce that you'd never buy anyone a drink because it's too expensive.

DO pay for your whole meal. Don't wait until everyone else has put their money on the table and then throw down $25 and say 'is that enough?' Especially if your meal was more than $30.

DO NOT wear socks with sandals. Ever.

DO know when to stop telling a story. If it's not funny, I probably won't laugh. Don't keep talking in hopes that we'll explode into giggles at some point. Chances are, we'll end up bored and annoyed.

DO NOT eat off other peoples' plates after you've told everyone that you hate sharing your food.

DO pretend that you like the play, even if you don't know what's going on. Don't yawn every 3 seconds and refuse to laugh at the funny parts. It's a comedy.

I wonder why I'm still single.

Why The Next 3 Weekends Rock ...

This Weekend:
- I'm getting my hair cut so that it can look normal.
- I'm going to Bard on the Beach to see Love's Labour's Lost, which I've never seen before or read.
- I'm going to Granville Island, which happens to be the only place I know to buy the best yogurt EVER (Liberty Méditerranée). In fact, on occasion I drive all the way there just to get some. And I don't even like yogurt.
- I'm gonna try not to dwell on the things that are stressing me out so much that I'm sick to my stomache and want to curl up with some tequila and die.

Next Weekend:
- I'm going to the Canucks game.

The Weekend After That:
- It's a long weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving).
- It's my birthday weekend, which includes an extravaganza to the Blarney Stone with my girls.

liaes8yralsuifyc ulifyc kidzufyleorcditolwey (<-- that means I'm excited.)

Drama ...

Last night I had the second class. I didn't sit beside the stupid girl again. But the guy beside me AND the guy behind me both had nose whistles, it was horrible. And distracting (which is completely shocking, considering my normal great-concentration-in-the-midst-of-distraction track record).

Plus there was the stupid I'm-going-to-make-ridiculous-comments-because-I-want-the-rest-of-my-classmates-to-blatantly-plot-my-demise guy who kept putting up his hand and saying useful-and-well-thought-out comments such as 'science sucks' and others. Good one, guy. Are you sure you shouldn't be at home watching Beavis and Butthead instead of being in a university class? GO. HOME.

*sigh*

I'm really trying** to be positive here. But I needed to vent.


** ok, maybe I'm not trying at all.

I Think ...

I think wearing socks with sandals is a character flaw.
I think it would be sad to be a brown crayon because all the other colors would get to be on pictures and kids would only use me to color tree trunks and poo.
I think even though I don't like botox-infested Renee Zellweger, it's sad that Kenny Chesney found his new record to be more important than his marriage to her.
I think I should start painting again (even though my paintings are less-than-great).
I think I would use the color brown in my paintings.

And I think today's going to be a good day.

New & Improved ...

Revelation: sometimes our situations are wholly a product of our mindset. The way we think things are, that's the way they'll be. So in response, here's some things that make me thankful or excited or happy about my life:

- practically every time I see my Oma and Opa, they bring me groceries. They just pick up extra food when they go shopping just for me! Isn't that so cute?

- I'm taking a class right now that is actually interesting (despite the title: Worldview and the Biblical Story) and I don't even have to write a paper and it's at night so I don't have to miss any work and the total of the textbooks was $50 and after I'm done it I'll only have two more classes and I'll have my degree! Woohoo!!!

- Jacob likes school. And he likes the place he goes after school till I'm done work (they try to catch squirrels everyday, does it get any better than that?)

- I'm going to cut my hair off soon and then it will look good curly again (I have a bit of a prob with unruly curly hair that pretends to be straighter when it's long and it's all a bit ridic)

- we had pancakes yesterday for dinner. Yum.

- I watched the first 4 shows of Lost on dvd and I. Love. It. (but it's really scary -- I was washing my face last night and I kept getting soap in my eyes because every few seconds I had to open my eyes to make sure nothing scary was around)

- I've been introduced to the phrase 'leg-humping bandwagon.' Kind of great!!

More to come, guys, lots more to come.

Getting Set Up ...

I'm worried because I'm not a very good stick-to-it-er and I just don't know if I'm into him at all, and I don't think I should know yet because I've only met him once, and what if I'm just not attracted to him but he's nice and I should like him or what?

(Not So) Great Expectations ...

So I can't think of anything funny to say. At the risk of sounding whiny*, I'll say this: I've been doing some thinking about things in my life and I've come to the conclusion that I have really high expectations of myself, but always fall short, thus not believing that I can achieve what I want to achieve and sabotaging things.

I apologize about that last sentence. I don't really know how to make it make sense.

In other news, I have my homework done. Two days before it's due. It was only reading, but STILL.

Also, I was hanging out with my sister for a bit this weekend and she said,'Hey Ani, remember when we were little and we used to touch tongues?' Funny.**

At work today we got a purolator package and the box had a spider on it. I didn't take it from the guy until he got the spider off, natch.

Well that about sums it up.

*I'm actually not in a sad or bad mood today, I'm just kind of ... there.

**If any of you comment on this perverted-ly I will hate you forever and ever.

Cheerios Are ...

The only food I've ever pretended were alive when I was eating them.

No More Teachers, No More Books ...

Oh, wait a minute, other way around ... I started school last night. The first of three classes I need until I have my Psychology degree!* It was relatively interesting, my professor seemed nice, and the workload is pretty light compared to other classes I've taken.

The only downside was the girl sitting next to me, who I'm certain was homeschooled**. When she found out I'm only taking one class she said incredeously, 'Oh my gosh you're only taking one class?! You can do all the homework tonight then hahaha!' Yes, haha, you stupid-goodie-goodie-whose-mom-still-dresses-you-and-you-have-too-much-hair-on-your-upper-lip, I could do all the homework in one night. Except that I have a life and a job and a kid. So sklew lew.

In other news, I can't stop swallowing chewing gum. I bought a pack of that Trident Burst stuff (yum) and I just keep swallowing it by accident because it tastes so good.

*What can you do with a Psychology degree, you ask? Well, nothing really. But I like Psychology.
**If you were homeschooled and you're normal, I sincerely apologize for this comment.

Worry ...

Worry ...

So I have a slight* worrying problem. I. Worry. About. Everything. Mostly money. And Jacob. And the fact that Jacob doesn't have a dad. And my family. And money. And the future. And decisions. And-*ahem* I'm sorry. I digress ...

This morning I was driving along and I saw a girl wearing a McDonald's 'uniform' and walking (let me just note that she was pretty far from the closest McDonald's, too). And this, friends, is when I had a revelation:

It's ok. I'm doing ok right now.
And I have an ok job.
And I have a car**.
And the last time I asked Jacob if he's sad about not having a dad he snickered and looked at me like I was off my rocker.
And money is only money.

'I am here
Take my car, take my girl
I'm the richest man in the world
Steal my gold, take my pearls
I'm the richest man in the world'
~Dakona


*a word which here means 'very large, intrusive and annoying'
**one that's less than 5 years old, even

Superstitions and the Threat of OCD ...

When I'm walking on a sidewalk, it bugs me if one of my feet is the first to step over the crack more times than the other one. I have to keep making it even or I feel lopsided.

I Like the Word 'Horrendous' ...

All I ever wanted was a London Fog* this morning. So I went to Starbucks and I asked for it in the language they use (because 'London Fog' is the term a different coffee company uses and thus it's against Starbucks-rules). And the barista asked me all snottily ('snottily' is a word thankyouverymuch): 'like, a London Fog?' *sigh* whatev.

But then the other barista said 'hey have you ever tried it with half & half instead of the regular milk? It's SO GOOD.' I hadn't tried it and being only slightly awake I agreed to it without considering the fact that half & half is that cream you put in coffee that's a million percent milk fat**.

It tasted the same. And now I'm getting fatter by the second. Sucks to the baristas with horrible ideas.


*London Fog: Steamed milk + Earl Grey tea + vanilla / hazelnut syrup = YUMMY

** I looked on the half & half carton and it's 10% milk fat -- TEN PERCENT! That means times it by ten and you have complete milk fat!! (okay nevermind, I was never good at math)

Questions:

Why did my blog come up when someone googled 'estim penis'?!

And who keeps googling 'Anika Skywalker'? (I will find you and self defense you, I'm warning you right now)



P.S. It's Gino Odjick's birthday today and I heart him. And I know he's ugly thank-you-very-much.

Recruiting ...

I've decided to find me an arch enemy. Sure I've had some mini-enemies along the way. And I've had some very-extremely-close-calls (the grandmother who insists that 'girls like me shouldn't be hanging around members of the opposite sex,' the step-mother who keys my car), but I don't have anyone I love to hate.

I can't wait!

The Other Day ...

My sister barked at me out her bedroom window.

Ahhh, the memories ...