To Whom Do I Owe the First Apology? No One's Been Crueler Than I’ve Been To Me.

I got this from Phil.
Dear Phil,
I love you with all my love, but I'll fight you and I'm not even scared.
Love, Anika

1. Something purple within 5 feet of you? I have one of those pad-things that you can put in the freezer or the microwave on my neck and it's a lovely shade of purple with gorgeous flowers on it. It adds to the eighties-rocker theme of my outfit.
2. The sexiest item of clothing you own? Sweatpants with a hole in the crotch ... Ahahahaha
3. Your nails were last painted: this week. Red toenails. I haven't painted my fingernails for a very long time because, well, I bite them. And I will bite you.
4. The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave? a cat. Just joking, but it's true that I don't like cats.
5. How much Japanese do you know? Coneecheewaahh! Is that even Japanese?!
6. Do you look good in yellow? Well I'm wearing a yellow shirt so I hope so ...
7. Do you sing? heck yes I sing!
8. Ever danced naked in front of a crowd?? Nosiree. Tanks God for that.
9. Do you have a nice cell phone? Um yes, the free one that came with the phone package? With the cracked screen and KILLER graphics?! Yes.
10. Least favorite color? Orange
11. Ever had Dippin' Dots? Yes but they didn't live up to my expectations, which is sad for candy. But in the United States of America I found Skittles that are ICE CREAM FLAVOURED!!! And THEY are amazing. And you can't get them in Canada. And I even saved one for Janie.
12. Ever played an instrument? piano, flute, bass clarinet, kazoo ...
13. Ever had an H2O massage? no
14. Do you believe in Big Foot? sure thing, sharp shooter
15. Ever been to a palm reader? no
16. Last Pez dispenser you had? I think it was one from the Simpsons ...
17. Had sex in your current car? Rafiki is too modest to talk of such things ...
18. Did you have a good weekend? Yes I had an amazing weekend with Jacob. This one is shaping up to be better different than last weekend.
19. Do you have a best friend? Yes and I have lots and lots of amazing people in my life.
20. Do you go tanning? not right now
21. How is today going for you? It's going like a kick in the groin.
22. Any plans for tonight? Maybe going out ... The only definite plan I have is to escape
23. Have you ever had stitches? nope
24. If you could be anywhere right now where would you be? I would be at last Saturday.
25. Do you find yourself sexy? Not right now, I have a headache.
26. Current disappointment? that I don't have anything to eat because I have had too much caffeine so far ...
27. Do you have an air freshener in your car? yes, I have a delightful diffuser for essential oils ...
28. Do you have plants in your room? none that I'm aware of ... I generally kill plants. I've killed at least 4 Venus Fly Traps ...
29. If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be? wine
30. Last piece of mail opened? A wonderful postcard from Phil from his trip to NYC! It made my day.
31. Does anything hurt on your body right now? my neck the most ...
32. What city was your last taxi cab ride in? Vancouver I think
33. If someone you hated died, would you laugh and spit on their grave? ahahaha ... I don't spit ...
34. What do you want people to remember about you when you die? I'd want them to think that I was funny and hopefully that I'm a good mom ...
35. What were you doing at 9 PM last night? Sadly, I think I was getting ready for bed ... I had a horrible migraine ...
36. What is your favorite drink at Starbucks? Grande non-fat Earl Grey tea misto with vanilla (or hazelnut) ...
37. Steak or ham? Steak ahahaha ... Ham is the sucks *dry heave*
38. Ever turn someone's kiss down? I'm in no position to turn down anyone's kiss! ... Just joking. Of course I have!
39. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you? hell no ... never again

Forgive Me For Giving A Damn ...

I hate migraines and I hate everything.

Who Is Chuck Norris?

Thanks, Imaginary Internet Friends, for encouraging me and letting me fret and being smarter and wiser ...

***

Yesterday I got a message from my friend Krista that she's been reading my blog. She calls me "Ani-Buffani" and we have contests to see who can get into more strangers' pictures.

***

Three more sleeps till my grad ceremony. I don't know whether to make Jacob come to it. It will certainly be very boring for him -- what seven-year-old wants to sit through 2 and possibly 3 hours of strangers blubbering on about how wonderful our university supposedly is? BUT. He's my little man, and I don't want him to not be there ...

***

I have my period and why does S have to hurt my feelings when I'm already emotional?

***

I stole this from Damasta.

***

Jacob lost his 5th tooth yesterday at swimming lessons. It fell in the pool and his swimming teacher dove under to find it for him. Jacob got a note and $2 from the Tooth Fairy (the bitch didn't forget this time!) and he got to keep his tooth.

Fitting Together Like A Puzzle ...

So I've been praying because all the people that live in our house are scattering and Jacob's sad because he'll miss his friends and so I want to find us a basement suite in the very-near vicinity so that they can still play a lot* ...
And I've been praying because I found a job that I really want that is now on my heart because it's so close to what I've really wanted to do AND I have the qualifications ...
But then I think that maybe God will be less likely to let me have these things because maybe it all depends on how 'good' I am, as in going to church and giving my money to worthy causes and reading my Bible ...
But then isn't that more like bribing God, in a sense? Because I'm doing things just to get my way? Or to get God to listen? ...
Or maybe God will be less likely to give me these things because he's already blessed me with a wonderful son and fantastic part-of-my-family and friends ...
But then is there a quota on the amount of things God will do for us and after that we're S.O.L**? And should I be saving up my prayers?
And am I treating this like superstition?

These are the things that are floating through my mind right now like clouds ...

*Sometimes moving is traumatic and lame for kids -- it was for me
**Yesterday I told Jake that 'S.O.L.' means 'So Outta Luck'

Fighting Irish ...

On the weekend S and I went with Jacob to Sport Chek. I was browsing clothes while the boys went to look at sporting goods. When I went to see what they were up to I heard them laughing. Jacob was standing with hockey gloves on. "They fit!" he said.
S exclaimed, "Ok now throw them on the ground! We need to make sure you can get them off fast enough in a hockey fight!"

Oh Lordy.

Everything and More Than That ...

I seriously am thankful that today is Friday because this office is stress-filled today and I feel like I'm up to my armpits in alligators and I just need to sit outside and have a cold drink (alcohol optional, but beneficial) and watch Jacob play hockey and read a book for fun and go to bed early.

By the way, someone searched 'my beautiful cleavage' and came across my blog. That's a nice compliment for a Friday.

You'll Have To Excuse Me, I'm Not At My Best ...

I had an extremely frightening and horrible dream last night so I feel kind of drained today. But here's a survey!

1. Can you tap dance? No but I can ride a unicycle while holding a butcher's knife in my teeth and whistling any Eminem song.
2. Do you own a pair of see-thru underwear? Yes of course.
3. What color is the sky today? BLUE! It's going to be a beeeeautiful weekend and that is the most exciting news of today.
4. Do you own a classic brown teddy bear? I don't like teddy bears at all because lets face it, we don't sleep in a crib anymore.
5. Is your favorite holiday Christmas? Oh yes.
6. Do you have an iPOD? No I don't but my boyfriend does and my boyfriend could kick your iPOD's butt
7. If you had an iPOD mini, what color would you have? Pink. With sparkles. And feathers. And a garter.
8. What song are you listening to? Just the song that is in my head (You'll have to excuse me I'm not at my Best by Great Big Sea)
9. Is it your favorite song? One of many, my friend, one of many.
10. How many blogs have you had? One.
11. Have you ever made a blog survey? Nope.
12. Are you wearing any jewelry? Yes. My Shiva's eye ring and my Willy Wonka engagement ring and a hemp necklace that I made all by myself.
13. Where does your grandma live? Vernon.
14. Are you an angry drunk? Nope.
15. Do you prefer pen or pencil? Pen.
16. Are you wearing deodorant? Yes. And I hope you are too or I won't be your friend.
17. Ever been in an earthquake? Yes, little ones.
18. Is your birthday this month? No
19. Do all guys suck? There are a handful that don't.
20. Are you afraid of the dentist? No, I just think they are assholes.
21. Do you know exactly what car you want? Um, yeah, my DREAM car is a Toyota Corolla 4 door sedan. Her (his?) name is Rafiki and she (he?) races other cars and she (he?) wins a lot.
22. Have you ever bought something from ebay? Maybe once or twice. I really truly love Ebay.
23. Ever seen "boy meets world"? No.
24. Own a locket? I think I do somewhere but I'm not even sure where it is or anything. And it's small and I prefer non-small necklaces.
25. Do you share a locker? um, no
26. Ever dissected anything? Yes, it was actually kind of funny because they were rats and we had fun doing it, beside the smell. Now, the frogs I felt sorry for.
27. Ever had a referral? To where? To a specialist? No.
28. Still play with legos? Absolutely. Once I made this whole ski lodge out of lego and it was so great and fun and I ate Kool Aid crystals while I played.
29. Do you know when Easter is? Yes.
30. There is no #30. So I will make up my own: Are you excited to eat lunch? Yes absolutely.
31. Last time you wrote a note? A few weeks ago I wrote a love letter because I'm just nice like that. I'm not going to deny it.
32. Ever been on a cruise? No. But I've been told I'm "cruisin' for a bruisin'" many times
33. Ever gotten pregnant by someone on a cruise? Yes. Oh waitaminute ... I'm going to go with 'no.'
34. Dyed your hair? At least once a month.
35. Like your handwriting? Nope.
36. Do you eat? No I like to put all my food into a blender, add some water and drink it instead.
37. Are you wearing lotion? I always wear lotion.
38. Last time you talked on the phone? To my sister this morning.
39. Do you know what Victoria's Secret is? Yes. It's that she's afraid of clowns.
Dear Victoria, I share the same fear. They are creepy and weird, aren't they? And it's made worse by a bloody arm and things, right? By the way, can I have some free stuff? Thanks.
From Anika.
40. Are you nice? Some of the time yes and some of the time yes-but-only-in-my-heart.
41. Ever been in love? Yes.
42. What were you last Halloween? I can't remember. Musta been a big night out ... Oh wait, I was a Dutch girl complete with wooden shoes.
43. Ever met a midget? No *cough*
44. Ever been to Cuba? No.
45. Ever cut yourself shaving? Yes of course.
46. Ever owned an exotic pet? No. A son and roommates, though -- keeps my hands full.
47. Is it your birthday? Not till October 10th.
48. Is it someone else's birthday? Yes it's Jessica's birthday today.
49. Had a good day? It has only begun. I was late for work and traffic was annoying. But it's Friday.
50. How long did this take you? Seventeen hours.

Gobble-De-Gobble-De-Gobble-De-Gobble-D

Some days are just whirlwinds of craziness in my mind. Observe:

I'm walking around with my head in the clouds and singing the Brighter Than Sunshine song and drinking a London Fog and getting flowers and being excited about graduating and eating yummy dinners and laughing at roller blading videos and holding a cute puppy and then I'm falling and I'm worrying and I don't know if I can stop worrying and everything isn't going to work out and maybe God is my adversary but how can I think that and I must be a horrible human being but I am nice in my heart and all I want is just a piece of happiness pie and now I want to sing that song as well and I have so much to do and I need to find a place to live on my own for me and Jacob because I need to prove that I can do it and how much is grad going to cost and is S even proud of me and I'm not even proud of myself and will I ever be proud of myself even when I have what I always wanted but what if I don't get married for a long time and I don't have groceries and I want to forget these things and I wish my father (eventhoughIhatehim) desired even slightly to come to my graduation so I could deny him because that's the way I work and you would too if you had to deal with him and I want to go to the gym tonight but I need to make dinner and go grocery shopping and I want to go boating all weekend even though I have a lot to take care of and everything might just explode right here and now and maybe if I cry I will feel better but maybe I will just feel weaker but then I get out of the office and I drink another London Fog and don't think about work and money and life and stress and I forget my train of thought for a few minutes and maybe everything will be okay after all ... But will it?

Good Things Come In Email Packages ...

Last night I finished my final exam, which was a take home paper on finding a common thread in 3 generations of my family and somehow tying it into class material. Afterwards I emailed the person at my University who's in charge of graduating to ask about applying to graduate as their office hours are also my work hours (my Oma and Opa and Janie and mom had alllll been asking me if I was going to go to the grad ceremony) ...

WELL.

This morning I got this email:

"Hi Anika,

We actually received your application for graduation as a Bachelor of Arts last year. You don't need to apply again. You are eligible to participate in the graduation ceremony taking place at 6:30 on Saturday, April 29th. Please RSVP at blah blah blah"

CAN. YOU. BELIEVE. IT.
I can't.
I didn't think this was important to me.
But it is.

Dear God,
Thank you!! I wasn't expecting this.
Love, Anika

Tuesday is the New Monday ...

Only in Country Music would the line before
Let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

be

I'm just drunk enough

***

I'm so happy for this four day long weekend.

Thank you Jacob for being so good in the 2 1/2 hour long border line-up and for making funny faces at dinner that almost made iced tea come out of my nose and for getting your swim suit on in the middle of dinner

Thank you Mom for making the most delicious Easter dinner (tanks God for your NY Steak dinner! Ham makes me dry heave)

Thank you Janie for changing shirts with me and for, despite your firm protests, finally leaving Gabby's

Thank you Aaron Pritchett for having the nicest arms ever

Brokeback Bouncers ...

So the Canucks are out of the playoffs.
Today S took off his vest to reveal his vintage Canucks shirt. "Now I can wear this shirt proudly," he said, "my Canucks NEVER make the playoffs ..."

The Good, The Bad, and The Fuckwits

1. The Good
I got 9/10 on my presentation last night. Surprising. Maybe it was the fact that I prefaced the whole thing with "If my voice cracks like a pre-pubescent boy, don't laugh. It's just cause I'm nervous."

2. The Bad
This morning sucked. Almost as bad as Shari's the other day. Sucked.

3. The Fuckwits
Dear Fuckwits,
Please stop.
From Anika

It was the Dark of the Moon on the Sixth of June in a Kenworth Haulin' Logs ...

I've had it with perpetual victims ... arrogance ... criers ... people who do things for others so that they can hold it over their heads ...

***

Tonight I have a presentation at school that's 7 minutes long, but extremely scary and frightening. My boss told me to show cleavage to ensure a better mark, but I don't think that would work at the Christian University I'm attending. *sigh* I am so NERVOUS!

***

This 4-day weekend will consist of:
- Birch Bay fun with my fam
- swimming with Jacob
- seeing Aaron Pritchett
- daytrips with Jake
- remembering the real Easter

Songs That Make Me Feel Like Everything Is Good and Right in the World*:

If you click on the links, it'll take you to the site where you can listen to the song ... Good times.

Play Something Country (Brooks & Dunn)
John Roland Wood (Aaron Pritchett)
Convoy (Paul Brandt)
Lets Get Drunk and Be Somebody (Toby Keith) -- they song thingy is about halfway down
Truck Got Stuck (Corb Lund)
Sin Wagon (Dixie Chicks)
Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond)
I Think You're Amazing (George Michael)
Shook Me All Night Long (AC/DC)
Alcohol (Brad Paisley)
Back in the Saddle (some girls -- this one is superly hard to find, sorry)
The Gambler (Kenny Rogers)
Hurt So Good (John Mellencamp)
Truth About Men (Tracy Byrd)
Blame It On Your Heart (Patti Loveless)
I'm Gonna Fly (Paul Brandt)
The One (Gary Allen)

*and are, coincidentally on my last compilation cd, accurately entitled "Quite Possibly The Best CD I've Ever Compiled"

You'll Have Some of the Best Times You'll Never Remember With Me ...

This weekend in math ...

0 minutes waiting in line
+0 hours of homework completed

+1 call from Jacob at 11pm at night to tell me that the Canucks won the hockey game
+1 Grammie in the background telling Jacob that if I know he's up that late I probably won't let him sleep over there anymore
+1 viewing of Ice Age 2 with Jacob
+1 superly fantastic compilation cd accurately entitled "Quite Possibly The Best Compilation CD I Have Ever Made"
+1 full day of hockey games on our street with all our neighborhood kids
+1 fight in one of the hockey games that apparently started when "everyone put down their hockey sticks and started giving eachother noogies"

+2 nights of celebrating Janie's birthday
+2 nights of very minimal sleep
+2 London Fogs

+3 annoying-whining-boring-snivelling-criers who, despite their most concentrated efforts, did not manage to foil our fun!

I Changed My Mind.

I don't like this day as much as I thought I would because, lets face it, I have a killer* headache and I feel fat and my bosses might not let me have Easter Monday off and I have nothing to wear for our girls' night out tonight. But at least this is making me laugh.


*and by 'killer' I mean awesome oh my gosh I want to bang my head on my desk and take a million drugs for this pain

We're Going to a New Frontier ...

I love Fridays. My love of Fridays has grown ever-stronger in the last while. I think I will marry it.

I'm excited that TODAY IS FRIDAY!

Zat is all.

Money Money Money ... Must Be Funny ...

This morning a motorcycle pulled up next to me at a red light. Maybe it was the sunshine, maybe it was the yummy coffee* maybe it was the good tunes, maybe I just woke up on the right side of bed**, but I extended grace when I raced him -- I didn't leave him in my dust.

He pulled up, drove right beside me and looked over. It was then I noticed his yellow jacket that said "POLICE" on the back. Oops.

Aaaaaanyways I won and that's what's important.

*thanks Janie!
**the right side of the bed is the side not facing the wall

This Is My 300th Post ...

In the last 300 postings ...

I've been happy
I've forgotten my Tooth Fairy responsibilities
I've been scattered
I've rebounded
I've worried
I've researched
I've remembered
I've adored my mom
I've mocked
I've been ashamed
I've hated
I've been in despair
I've given helpful dating tips
I've caught the bouquet
I've speculated
I've fought for my life
I've gotten severely annoyed
I've been angry
I've loved
I've been disenchanted by love
I've camped in the rain
I've prayed
I've been afraid (of spiders and clowns, mostly)
I've bet at the racetrack
I've loved Snark Trotter
I've told the truth
I've been loved
I've had somuchfun
I've kept my balance
I've donated blood
I've had a revelation
I've whined
I've been stricken with very bad road rage
I've complained
I've been interviewed
I've boated
I've laughed at my son
I've mounted
I've shared
I've wondered
I've started a thumbs up trend

Forget Your High Society I'm Soakin' it in Kerosene ...

This weekend I kind felt a glimpse of having a real live family of my own.
It felt amazing.

Now it's Monday.